Fear From the Past
by Autobot Guardian
Summary: All of the Autobots know that Bluestreak, the sole survivor of the Crystal City genocide, was traumatized by his first encounter with the war, but are there others that are like him? Another Autobot, one who nobody suspects to be fearful, has been through what nobody should go through. With murderous parents, he was forced to do what no sparkling should.


You said, oh girl, it's a cold world

When you keep it all to yourself

I said, you can't hide on the inside

All the pain you've ever felt

* * *

As the silver gunner and the yellow warrior walked along on patrol, they were silent. Each were thinking of the things they had seen and done in the past, and neither of them relished those memories. And yet, they could not forget them. What they had in common, was that in both of their lives, it was the cruelty of others that had forced them into a world of horror and pain.

"Bluestreak?"

"Yeah, Sunstreaker?" The gunner didn't look at the warrior directly, but he glanced at him for a brief moment through the corners of his optics.

"Have you ever considered that, if you asked, that you would not be the only one that has gone through horrible things?"

"N-not really…" Bluestreak was a little stunned. He had never expected anyone to ask him that question, but when he thought about it, he realized that he had never considered it before, as he was always swallowed up in his own inner pain and misery.

"Well, maybe you should ask sometime. It could help both you and the one you ask."

* * *

Sunstreaker sat in the room he shared with his twin, and looked at the wall forlornly. Running through his processors were events from his sparklinghood, when he still lived with his murderous parents.

-FLASHBACK-

 _"Mother, why do I have to do this?" The black and yellow sparkling looked up at his carrier in confusion._

 _"You will do as I say, or I will hurt your brother!" The pitch-black femme snatched up the black and red sparkling that was standing next to the first sparkling, and they both cried out in fear. The red and black sparkling pulled his arms and legs close to his small torso as the femme held him with one hand. The two sparklings were looking at her with fear in their optics._

 _"Fine! I do it, but no hurting Sides!"_

 _"That's a good sparkling! Now go! If you fail, then you will BOTH pay the price!" The femme stomped away with Sideswipe in hand, leaving the yellow and black sparkling alone. Sunstreaker scurried out of the house, and snuck through alleys and buildings, looking for the mech his mother had described to him. He found the mech sitting in a dimly lit office, looking at reports. Silently, swiftly, the sparkling entered the room without the mech noticing, and crept around so that the mech's back was facing him, and extended small claws from his fingertips. It only took one cut to do the job. The mech fell off of his chair with a thump, energon leaking out from the gash in his neck. Feeling sick, the sparkling swiftly left the office, and went home._

 _"Mother, I'm back!" The sparkling found his mother sitting next to a cage in the main room. The cage contained Sunstreaker's brother, who was looking scared out of his mind._

 _"Good. Did you do as I instructed? Is the target deactivated?" The mother's voice was edged with danger, hinting what would happen if he said he had failed. And he knew she had her lie detectors on._

 _"Yes, mother. I did as I was told. Target deactivated." The yellow sparkling had to suppress the urge to sigh when his mother nodded, and opened the cage next to her._

 _"Sunny!" The black and red sparkling practically flew out of the cage, and tackled his brother in a hug. Neither of the sparklings paid any heed to the energon still staining the yellow one's hands, until their mother separated them._

 _"It's time to clean up your brother, pit-spawn. Wait here, and do not mess with anything." The femme picked up Sunstreaker, and took him to the washroom. After getting the energon off of him, the femme dried him off none too gently, and let him go back to Sideswipe. It was then that it hit the yellow sparkling about what he had done. He started to cry into his brother's shoulder, knowing that he had actually killed someone._

-END FLASHBACK-

Sunstreaker shuddered at the memory. It had been the first time he had ever killed anyone, and he had only been half a year old at the time. He curled in on himself as more memories of the mechs and femmes he had been forced to kill pressed upon him. In an act of desperation, he tore through them, until he found the last memory he had of his first home.

-FLASHBACK-

 _The yellow and black youngling crept through the Iacon Tower unnoticed, thanks to his small size and his experience. When he got to the room he was supposed to find the target in, he realized exactly who it was. There was a large red mech recharging on a berth, oblivious to the fact that a dangerous intruder was in the room. Sunstreaker shook his head. He didn't want to do this anymore, but did he have a choice? As long as his mother and father had Sideswipe, they could make him do anything they wanted him to. Suddenly, he made a swift decision. He snuck back out of the room, and down to the security room. He had to tell someone about what his parents were doing, and making him and his brother do. When he got there, he saw an old, gray-green mech sitting at a desk. He was doing some paperwork, but he looked up when he heard the door open. Sunstreaker's head was the only thing visible, besides the hand that was on the door._

 _"Can I help you, young one?" The mech's voice actually sounded /i_ KIND _i when he spoke, and Sunstreaker found courage because of that._

 _"I need help…" His voice was shaky and uncertain, and the mech stood up, and motioned for him to come in. On reflex alone, Sunstreaker entered the room and shut the door._

 _"What do you need help with, young one?" At the gently asked question, Sunstreaker found himself telling the mech everything that his parents had done and made him and his brother do, crying all the while. The mech listened intently, and Sunstreaker barely registered the concern on his face. There was no fear, no disgust, not even anger. Just true, pure concern. When Sunstreaker told him about how he had finally decided to go for help because of how he had finally found the courage to fight back, the mech picked him up in his arms. On reflex, Sunstreaker stiffened at the contact, expecting to be hit or thrown. However, neither of those things happened. The mech held him gently and carefully, and Sunstreaker found himself relaxing in his grip._

 _"Will you help me? My brother too?"_

 _"Of course I will. I'll tell you what, I'll just send you home, and everything will be better real quick, got that?" The mech looked him straight in the optics, clearly expecting an answer._

 _"Yes. I'll go home now." The mech put him down, and Sunstreaker scurried out the door, and out of the tower. He was vaguely aware of soft footsteps behind him, but when he turned to see if someone was following him, nobody was there. He finally got home, and was scared about what would happen. He instantly saw him mother look him over, and frown when she saw no energon on him._

 _"Did you terminate the target?" Sunstreaker had already put in some fake memories so that it would seem to her like he was telling the truth._

 _"Yes mother. I used one of the guns in his quarters to kill him." Sunstreaker saw the faint smile on his mother's face as she detected no lies._

 _"Good. You are starting to use your surroundings to do your job. Now, I am going to put you and your brother in the basement for tonight. I don't want you two trying to run off again like you did two days ago." The mother didn't hold him as gently as the kind security mech had. She actually handled him rather roughly, as she snatched up the blanket that he shared with his brother, and then tossed both him and the blanket down the stairs and into the basement. He collided with the floor heavily, and he could feel some of the metal of his head dent badly. He was dazed, and everything was out of focused and swirling. He could just make out the still form of his brother on the floor near him, and at first thought him dead, but then caught the faint glow of his optics. After his sight cleared up, he pulled himself and the blanket over to Sideswipe, who turned his head up._

 _"Sunny?"_

 _"I'm here, Sides. Don't worry, everything will be better soon, you'll see." Sunstreaker sincerely hoped that the kind security mech hadn't lied to him, that everything would turn out all right. As he was sitting with his brother, he was erasing the fake memories from his databanks, and checking his own head to see what damage there was. Suddenly, he heard sirens wailing around the house, and he felt his spark leap with joy._

 _"THIS IS THE IACON LAW ENFORCEMENT! COME OUT OF THE HOUSE WITH YOUR HANDS UP!" Sunstreaker had to cover his headfins from how loud the noise was. He could hear his parents moving around upstairs, and he heard one of them cock an energy rifle. He briefly wondered where they had been keeping it, but he cut off the train of thought when he heard one of his parents shoot at the Enforcers that had surrounded the house. There was a flurry of return fire, and he could hear both of his parents cry out in pain. Sunstreaker heard the gun clatter to the floor, and then he heard someone breaking the door down. He could hear muffled voices, and he hoped with all hope that the Enforcers would find them down in the basement. He stared at the door to the basement intently, and when he saw it open quickly, he felt his spark leap with joy at being found._

 _"Sir! I found the sparklings!" The young Enforcer rushed down, and scooped up both twins and their blanket in his arms. "Primus… what did those two do to you?" The Enforcer's answer was both twins crying and clinging to him with all the strength they could muster in their weakened states. Sunstreaker's vision started to make everything swirl together again as his head wound made him feel dizzy again. He shook his head to clear it, and it worked. The young Enforcer ran back up the stairs and out of the basement, and the yellow sparkling saw at least a dozen other Enforcers gathered in the house. Out of the darkness of the basement, he could see that all of the Enforcers were painted black and white, and they were in varying sizes. They were all of average frame design, save for the leader, who was surprisingly in a Centaurian frame. When this strange-looking mech moved towards them, Sunstreaker saw that he had kindness for them in his optics, and rage for the parents who had treated them so badly._

 _"The poor things… quickly, give them to me, and I will take them to a medical facility." The mech holding them handed him and his twin over to the strange mech, both of them still wrapped in their blanket. Once they were securely settled into the arms of the Centaurian Enforcer, the mech galloped away from the house with breathtaking speed. When he finally slowed down to stop, they had arrived at the same tower that Sunstreaker had been sent to earlier that night. The yellow sparkling was extremely tired by this time, and his vision was starting to slowly swirl around so he could not focus on anything. He slowly let his head fall to rest against the Enforcer's chest, and he could faintly hear a few unfamiliar voices, along with one familiar one. Then, he felt himself and his brother being transferred to a familiar set of arms, and when he looked up blearily, he could just barely make out the kind Security mech that had promised him that everything would be better. Then, his vision faded out._

-END FLASHBACK-

Sunstreaker smiled as he remembered how he had met Kup all those eons ago, then suddenly realized something he had not noticed all that time. The mech he had refused to kill was Ironhide! He smiled to himself, knowing that he had done the right thing in letting the weapons specialist live. Then, he started to think about what he had woken up to after the last memory he had of his home.

-FLASHBACK-

 _The sparkling's vision slowly came into focus in an unfamiliar room. Frightened, he turned his head, and saw his brother lying next to him, recharging peacefully. The blanket was tucked around the two of them, lending the conscious sparkling a sense of security. When he turned his head to look around some more, he saw the kind mech Security mech who had helped him sitting beside the berth, recharging in a chair. Then, the sparkling saw the old mech's optics flicker on, and focus on him._

 _"You feeling better, young one?" The mech carefully put a hand on Sunstreaker's head, smiling at him._

 _"Yeah… are mother and father going to try to get us back? I don't want to go back to them." Sunstreaker looked up at the mech pleadingly, not wanting to endure those times again._

 _"Don't worry, young one. You're not going to be with those two ever again. We'll find you a new family, one that will treat you better. We're looking for one as we speak. With luck, we'll find your new family in just a few days." The mech removed his hand from Sunstreaker's head, and smiled at him._

 _"We'll get a new family? So, we're going to have better lives?"_

 _"That's right, young one. By the way, what's your name?" The mech looked at him expectantly._

 _"I'm Sunstreaker. My brother is Sideswipe. Who are you?"_

 _"I'm Kup. Yeah, I know, really short name. I didn't choose it, my parents did." Kup suddenly looked to the side, as if listening to something. "Sunstreaker, I'm going to have to go now. Something is demanding my attention."_

 _"You'll come back, right?"_

 _"Yeah, I'll come back when I'm done. Until then, please behave for the medics." Kup stood, and walked out of the room, leaving Sunstreaker sitting beside his brother. After a few minutes, a mech looking similar to the red one Sunstreaker was told to kill, but didn't, came in. Instead of being all red, however, this mech was mostly white, with some red markings, and a grey chevron on his head. Sunstreaker didn't know why, but he liked this mech._

 _"So, one of my little patients is awake, is he? That's good, considering you were actually hurt the worst. I'm thinking that the other one is just tired. So, little one, what's your name?" The mech's voice was a little gruff, but mostly kind._

 _"I'm Sunstreaker. This is Sideswipe. He's my brother." Sunstreaker pointed at his twin when he said his name, and then looked at the mech with wide optics. "Who are you?"_

 _"I am Ratchet. It's nice to meet you, Sunstreaker. Now, I'm going to have to scan you to make sure that you don't have any viruses, all right?"_

 _"Will it hurt?" Sunstreaker's expression became fearful, but the medic put a gentle hand on the yellow sparkling's head._

 _"It won't hurt at all, Sunstreaker. It'll just feel a bit tingly, but that's all." Sunstreaker relaxed, believing the medic who spoke to him so kindly. Ratchet took out a small device, and a beam came out and went up and down over the sparkling's body. Sunstreaker felt a tingling sensation, and giggled a little because it tickled a bit too. The medic started muttering as he looked at the readings. "Low energon levels… malnourished… a few scars from Primus knows what… some slight internal damage… a little damage to his processor… equilibrium off a little… Primus, what did those two do to this poor thing?" Ratchet ended the scan, and wrote down the results onto a datapad. Then, he scanned Sideswipe._

 _"Is Sides okay?"_

 _"Let's see…" Ratchet looked at the readings. "Equally low energon levels and malnourishment… less scarring though… internal systems are in good condition… nothing wrong with his processor… looks like he got better treatment than the other one." The medic looked at Sunstreaker. "He's in better condition than you are. All he needs is energon and a few supplements to get his condition perfect. You, on the other hand, are going to need more care. In your scan, you have a bit on internal damage, and your processor was damaged as well, and your equilibrium is a little out of alignment."_

 _"That's… bad, right?"_

 _"Only if not treated. Do you think you could handle some repairs? I promise, you will be asleep before I start."_

 _"O-okay…" Sunstreaker reached out to Ratchet, wordlessly giving him permission to pick him up. Ratchet lifted him out from under the blanket, and carried him over to another medical berth. Sunstreaker lay down once he was placed on the berth, and he felt the medic hooking up cables to his small frame. After the last one was in place, he started to feel sleepy. After a few more seconds, he dropped into stasis._

* * *

 _"Kup, Sunstreaker had some processor damage, as well as damage to his internal systems. It would have caused major problems if I left it untreated."_

 _"But he'll be all right, won't he? We've finally found a family for the two of them, and I want them both to have better lives than the ones they've already had."_

 _"He'll be fine, but the processor damage may have altered his personality slightly. Not to mention the possible trauma from living with his original parents. He'll need special care for a long while."_

 _"I'll tell his adopted family that. Do they need to know anything else?"_

 _"Yes. I'm giving them dietary supplements to go with their energon. They're both extremely malnourished, and will need them to grow properly for a while."_

 _"Right. I'm going to go tell them now. Please be careful with them, all right, Ratchet?"_

 _"All right. Say, just out of curiosity, who are the new parents?"_

 _"Prime and Elita-1. They seem to have taken interest in these two."_

 _"Well, lucky them. Oh, one more thing. The two of them will need to come into contact with sparklings around their age, so that they won't become anti-social. It'd be a shame if they end up not being able to work well with others."_

 _"That it would. See you later, Ratchet." The sparkling, who was barely aware of what was going on, heard footsteps leaving the med bay. He didn't know who Kup had been talking about, but the two that were going to be his and Sides' new parents sounded important. When he was finally fully aware of everything around him, he saw Kup, Ratchet, and two others standing next to his berth. The two new bots were a pink femme and a red, white, and blue mech. The mech was taller than everyone else in the room, and seemed to be important._

 _"Hello there, little one." The femme reached out one of her hands, and gently stroked Sunstreaker's cheek. Her touch was gentle, a far cry from the rough handling of Sunstreaker's spark-parents. Sunstreaker looked up at her with wide, slightly sleepy optics._

 _"Who are you?"_

 _"I am Elita-1, and this is my bondmate, Optimus Prime. We're going to take you with us to our apartments in the top level of the Tower." Elita-1 bent down to come to optic level with the yellow sparkling, a soft smile on her face._

 _"What about my brother?"_

 _"He's coming too. We would never separate siblings into different families. Do not worry, we'll take care of you." Elita gently scooped Sunstreaker up into her arms, and he found himself relaxing when he heard her spark pulsing in her chest. On instinct, he curled up against her, clinging to her with the intent of never leaving those arms that felt so safe. When he looked up, he saw Elita smiling down at him, and when he looked over to where Sideswipe was, he saw Optimus Prime picking him up in a similar fashion, except he was big enough to fit Sideswipe snugly in the crook of his left arm._

 _"So, you are my mother now?" Sunstreaker looked up at Elita again, with wide, lapis-blue optics._

 _"Yes, and Optimus is your father." Elita turned to the two others in the room, and nodded to them. Ratchet walked over to Optimus, and gave him a box, which he took in his right hand. The mech and femme left the room together, with their newly adopted sparklings feeling safe in their arms._

-END FLASHBACK-

Sunstreaker finally fell into recharge, with the happy memories of when he went to his new home, with his new family, and was given the love his spark-parents never gave him.


End file.
